As many of you know, about three weeks ago, I boldly and ever so permanently inked birds on my wrists. Since then, I’ve slowly been coming to find that I am – brace yourself – a Bird Whisperer. You certainly laugh at such a statement, but I here and now present full evidence of these matters. The realization of this first hit as the husby and I were walking from the train, fresh from our red-eye trip home from Boulder/Denver, where I had a few days prior been tattooed. Nearing our apartment, we noticed a bird in the street picking up a piece of plastic matter. As was documented by @UltraNurd in his tweet quoting me, in my groggy, 1.3745-hours-of-sleep-on-an-overnight-flight state, I mumbled, “No little bird! You don’t want that, it’s plastic!” The bird dropped the plastic to the ground. “He listened to me. I’m a bird whisperer!!!” The clues have not always been as obvious or witnessed by others. Today, however, while enjoying a delicious sandwich and iced tea out on the plaza near my workplace, another bird-whispering item occurred. This time, my iPhone camera was handy to document. Along came the bird. Here’s a picture of the bird. I’d like to call the bird Winston.
Here is Winston being coy.
Winston reflected silently on his long, hard life as a bird.
I decided to give him a bit of bread from my sandwich. He seemed to like that. I waited a few minutes and then gave him a bit more. The second bit was apparently too much as he took longer to eat it and then flew away. I sat, soaking up the sun in my dark-wash denim jeans. The day was clear and fine. The water on the reflecting pool of the plaza at work, which I sat across from this lunch time, waved lazily and shimmered in the light of the day. The three birds looked at me hungrily. Wait, what? Three birds! It seemed Winston had spread the word of his bread bounty. Either that, or I had unwittingly summoned a crowd of birds. I had Bird Whispered them! I gave neither these new birds, nor my old pal, Winston, any bread. It seemed unwise. And I had just finished my sandwich. They hopped about tweeting. Then started hopping about menacingly. More with threats at each other than at me. Whichever one was to get the bread did not seem likely to share. Another couple birds came over and sat on the other side of me. I realized the situation I was in. I called upon my new-found Bird Whispering talents and, wordlessly, told them to chill out. They chilled out. So, as you can see, I’m clearly a Bird Whisperer. It’s a skill I will hone. But it’s pretty obvious, and pretty much exactly because of the bird tattoos. So far, my bird whispering talents seem to include communicating the following to birds:
- Drop that, it’s plastic!
- I’m eating my lunch outside today and communing with nature. Join me, little bird
- You’re cute. I’ll call you Winston. Here’s a crumb of bread.
- Here’s more bread. Go away now so we can both eat in peace.
- You brought friends? I’m not naming you all.
- You guys look angry. Go over there in the shade and talk amongst yourselves while I walk away. Peace out, bird dudes.
Because of my excelled bird understanding, I also can interpret the birds’ thought processes and responses. Here are the following that correspond with the above.
- This is plastic. I don’t want it. Is a bedraggled insane human talking to me?
- That girl is eating a sandwich. I will go near her in case she drops something.
- That girl gave me bread. I will stick around for more.
- That girl gave me too much bread. Fly away to eat in case it’s a cruel joke!
- To his bird friends/enemies, “Here’s the girl that gave me bread. She’s a weirdo, you might be able to trick her into giving you some, too.”
- To his bird friends/enemies, “I will fight you for all the bread!!!”
With great power comes great responsibility. But I am armed with the tattoos that evidence my ability to handle this. I can’t wait to see what happens when I get a vintage rocket ship and an elephant tattoo.
x Andrle x