Wherein I Pretend I’m a Music Critic: K-Perry Believes in the Movies

A new section where I analyze Katy Perry songs as an excuse for them existing in my music library with high play counts. I give my opinion even though no one asked me!

The Song: Not Like the Movies
The Artist: Katy Perry
Cliche, Metaphor, Simile, etc. Meter: HIGH

Not sure what this song even is? Watch the Lyric Video

Firstly, I do have to admit to liking this song. The instrumental bits hit viscerally like Adele’s Someone Like You (although Adele’s is a vastly superior song). Problem is, once I actually listen to the lyrics, I feel I should not like this song. Confliction! Let’s examine.

“He put it on me, I put it on
Like there was nothin’ wrong.
It didn’t fit; it wasn’t right
Wasn’t just the size.
They say you know when you know.
I don’t know.”

It can be assumed this is a proposal scenario and the ring the dude got was the wrong size. Others have speculated it’s about the fairy tale glass slipper not fitting. OK guys, it’s a metaphor for the relationship not fitting or feeling right, and we know this for sure because she goes on to tell us just that for the rest of the song. The internet tells me I’m not alone in wondering if she’s talking about other things not fitting right (what? She’s Katy Perry. This is what 90% of her songs are about)… but I digress.

“If it’s not like the movies,
That’s how it should be.”

Great premise. Unless you have experienced something that parallels the flawed relationship models presented by Hollywood, your partner just isn’t good enough. Heck, you better hold out for someone better! Take your standard RomCom. Two strangers meet, have instant chemistry that represents itself as either instant sexual chemistry, or an annoyance that becomes flirtation that becomes sex and then love. One of you will do something that seems horrifically unforgivable, you’ll break up, have a montage of emotions and rain, and then one of you, probably the dude, will make a romantic gesture involving flowers, public embarrassment, music, and/or a long “Forgive Me” speech.

Or we could try to just look at this how she probably meant it: as a way to encourage girls to really think about how they feel in a relationship and hold high standards and be true to themselves. Girl power!

OK. Onward.

When he’s the one, I’ll come undone
And my world will stop spinning.
And that’s just the beginning.”

Unless you have uncontrollable bouts of dizziness and your partner is strong and very stable, perhaps it’s too much to ask for this ideal person to stop your world from spinning. Not to mention, sad for you if you’ve been living your entire life up to this point in a spinning world. Heaven forbid you be a happy and stable person on your own! Additional mixed metaphor of coming undone and then the spinning will stop. I associate things coming undone with unraveling and that’s hardly a motionless affair. Spin, spin.

“They say it’s hard to meet your match
Gotta find my better half
So we make perfect shapes.”

Meeting your match… so you can challenge him to a duel!? Better half, blah blah. Make perfect shapes sounds too Death-Cabby for me, but I’m a weirdo.

“One-hundred percent, worth every penny you spent,
He’ll be the one that finishes your sentences.” 

This is the most perplexing of the lyrics. I guess because percent and spent rhyme, they chose to go with it? Are we talking a metaphorical penny spent? Because it’s hard to tell sometimes. If K-Perry is singing about paying for love, I feel uncomfortable. Maybe she’s referencing dating coaches or matchmakers. In either case, money well spent if he’s such a catch that he can finish your sentences. Aww.

“If stars don’t align, if it doesn’t stop time,
If you can’t see the sign, wait for it.”

We get it, you like to rhyme, time after time. It’s not a crime.

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